An interview with Lv2byk

In an effort get to know the contributors of this blog I have decided to conduct a little one sided interview. By one sided I mean that I never formally consulted Lv2byk about the interview. I have known him for 7 years and feel that I can accurately answer the questions asked.

SkowVegas: How long have you been a cyclist?
Lv2byk: Well I'd say once I meet you back in Italy. Man you dragged me up some steep ass trail and I was hooked ever since. Before that I was just a roadie, and wouldn't consider myself a "cyclist".
Skowvegas: That's funny I feel that same way. I had never thrown a leg over a road bike until that time in Italy. When I think about it I missed one hell of an opportunity to get a sweet Italian road bike. Ok next question. Is it true that you have no bike handling skills and in fact have crashed landing in horse shit while crossing a flat bridge?
Lv2byk: Wait a minute, that's bull.....
Skowvegas: Oh sorry so it was bull shit on the bridge?
Lv2byk: No, no I crashed, that's true but I missed the horse shit and landed on my leg (editors note. Two witnesses present confirm that he landed in the horse shit.)
Skowvegas: Yah yah it ain't what really happen it's what you can prove happen buddy. Next question. Tell us about the Gorilla incident.
At this point in the interview Lv2byk gets a thousand mile stare and starts to weep.
Lv2byk: It's a tough subject but........I........I'm ready to talk about it. I was shopping for a new bike and was toying with the idea of a Specialized and Cannondale. I really wanted the Cannondale Jekyl but just could not afford it. Anyway about two weeks later I was riding and this huge corporate gorilla jumps out of the woods and ripped my lycra of my ass and just raped the shit out of me, all the while grunting the word CANNONDALE, CANNONDALE with every thrust of his corporate power. All I could do was lay there. Finally he went for the reach around and that's when I kicked him and ran. I decided at that point to get a Specialized. (Note please view injuries sustained by the Cannondale corporate Gorilla below).
Skowvegas: Wow! That is truly remarkable and you survived when many would not have. I understand Oprah wants to interview you is that true?
Lv2byk: yes but I have declined.
SkowVegas: Good choice. Well that's all I have for questions at the moment. I do have this picture of you taken in S.C. do you remember it? (he looks at the photo below a little confused) It was the time we slipped you a mickey in your drink and then hired a 300 pound man to dress in a tutu. Oh it was so fun, we gave him a can of whip cream and a tube of anal ease and left you two alone. Do your remember now?
Lv2byk: Um..................no!
Skowvegas: Well we'll finish that story another time.